oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize