strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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