so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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