; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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