The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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