im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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