Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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