Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
