I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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