just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
