how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fuck appropriateness.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
