i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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