I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
pop tarts are not kleenex
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize