Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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