I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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