Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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