I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
how does that bad decision feel?
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