I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
