I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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