we're blogging at a bar
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize