Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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