So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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