Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The air taste purple.
Randomize
