The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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