remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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