The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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