i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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