I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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