you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize