I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize