Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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