do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
