no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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