I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
