Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
