We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the day after is always just damage control
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
