just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize