I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
