shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
