I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
