ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
