Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
