And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
