i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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