Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
