found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
