when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
