i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
