Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
