WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
