And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She told me I should be a condom model.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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