When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
