i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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