I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
