I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize