Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
