Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
