Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize