Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize