Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
