I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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