..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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