This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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