The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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