I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
