There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
