you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
