good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
