I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
