dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
