I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
