It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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