Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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