More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
this will be a night to untag.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize