to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
