either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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