My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
