Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize