I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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