Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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