im six kinds of drunk right now
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
