i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
