worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
