then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
