I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
