i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
