True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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