The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
