I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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