When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My penis needs a shock collar
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
