A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I fill condoms, not promises.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
