I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
