My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
