I have demons in me.
only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
