I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
