did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
