So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I believe in your delicious
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
