woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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