he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
