I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
