the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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