remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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