is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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