If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
