At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
