Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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