Soap is not a condiment
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
