she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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