I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
