After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
